Tag: reflection

Self-Care 101

“Self-Care.”

This is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot these days and it used to make me cringe. It just seemed like a lot of people used it to justify expensive shopping trips, spur of the moment tropical vacations, nightly chocolate cake and bubble baths, weekly manicures, monthly massages and mud baths, and ALL captured with a beautiful filter for their snapchat/instagram. I guess I wrongly associated it with being selfish or high-maintenance.

As you may have read my perspective of the first 3 months of motherhood, I am 100% for giving yourself to serve others, and that can means seasons of not getting to enjoy life in the same way you used to. However, I have learned the hard way in this wonderful, yet very difficult first year of motherhood, that pouring yourself out for your family cannot happen without plugging yourself in for a charge occasionally. And though God’s love wishes to perfect us and grow us sometimes through bearing hardships, that still means finding time to be alone to pray, be still, and slow down.

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.   //Luke 5:16

The reality is, no one can pour from an empty cup. 

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I had figured out how to take care of myself when it was just me planning life around me, but it was harder to figure out what I needed when my focus and time were so attentive to my son, my husband, and our home.

During the first year with an infant who fed around the clock and doesn’t sleep much, it was especially difficult to figure out what I needed to stay sane or how I could even make those things happen. Heck, I was just trying to figure out how to keep a tiny human alive.

But as time went on, I realized more and more that many of the times I was anxious or upset over little things was when I hadn’t been praying, hadn’t had an adult conversation (besides my husband) for several days, hadn’t been listening to or reading anything positive, or hadn’t taken a break to do anything that brought me joy. I realized, especially in stressful seasons, my mental health is something I actually needed to work on.

Self-care isn’t necessarily about indulging yourself, it’s more about nourishing yourself so you can blossom in your vocation.

And sometimes “self-care” is doing things you don’t really want to do in order to create a more balanced life, like exercising regularly, finally scheduling that doctor appointment after 3 years, forcing yourself to go to bed earlier, getting organized and purging old clothes from high school, spending less time scrolling on social media or with toxic friends, doing the dishes right after dinner each night so that you have time with your spouse instead of stressing that they pile up and you can’t handle it all.

I knew I did need to change several things to find a little pep in my step again! My word of 2018 came quite easily to me: RENEWAL. Life is always going to be busy so I needed to find some small steps to take care of myself, and renew my mind and soul. (The same thing I preached to other people pre-motherhood, I now needed to practice!)

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So January 1st, I left the babe (now toddler) at home with dad and drove to Starbucks to start brainstorming.

I broke the categories up into MIND, BODY, & SOUL. I made a few other goals for the year, but most of them revolve around this practice of making my interior life a priority.

Then, I made my list under each category of the most important things I needed to do to take care of myself.

These are simple things… perhaps just the minimum things I need, but nonetheless things that will go a long way for my well-being when done frequently.

I can tell you after working toward implementing these this first month of the year, I may not be accomplishing all of them, but I feel hopeful and motivated for the months to come because I’m breaking out of the rut. There is a great satisfaction in using my time wisely, seeing myself as a daughter of God that deserves to grow intentionally and is important enough that my needs are worth the effort. That is not selfish. Loving my mind, body, and soul in a small way each day is extremely valuable.

Whether you’re a mom or not, I’d venture to say most people are too busy, too scheduled, and too stressed. Maybe if you’re struggling to get started, this list below of mine will give you some ideas! Ask yourself, what is the MINIMUM I need to do each week to feel healthy, happy, and whole? I’m not talking about training for a marathon, having a spotless house, or doing perfectly on every single work project… just the little things to really look out for your long-term self.

MIND

  • Listen to a podcast, read an article or a few pages in a book
  • Have an encouraging conversation with a friend (on the phone or in person)
  • Write in my “One Line a Day” book each night
  • Plan meals for the week on Sundays (even if it says Pizza)
  • Journal once a month

BODY

  • Wash face & brush teeth twice a day (this sounds so sad, but it is an example of how the minute my son woke me up for the day, it was off to the races. He could wait for a couple of minutes while I started every morning with some basic hygiene.)
  • Move everyday (Stroller Strides 2-3x’s a week, reaching 10k steps, 10 minutes of stretching, going to the park etc.)
  • Take vitamins. Sit down for all meals, not snacking with processed food during day. Focus on veggies & limit sweets.
  • HYDRATE HYDRATE HYDRATE

SOUL

  • Take deep, meditative breaths while rocking James to sleep. Once asleep, pray for him, my marriage, my family and friends
  • Read scripture and devotional each week (sometimes this is daily, but I’m working in baby steps)
  • Play music and sing while cooking or playing throughout the day
  • Go pray in the church adoration chapel alone once a month
  • Fill in my “I am grateful for:” section in my planner each day. (It’s harder to be frazzled when you come from a place of gratefulness and when you have moments in the day to just stop and force yourself to slow down.)

 

How am I doing all of this when I already didn’t feel like I had the time or energy to before? Well, I’m not doing all of it yet…but the short answer is that I’m trying to improve the way I use my time to use it more efficiently.

  1. I have been trying to make a habit out of sitting down for breakfast with my son, getting out my planner, and first thing, writing down my 3 most important tasks or hopes of the day. I find that this helps me get my head on straight before I just start reacting to my day. I also look and see I have scheduled to go to workout class today, so my morning needs to prepare for and work around that goal.
  2. Finding a friend to do a babysitting exchange 🙂 I watch your kid, you watch mine, gives me pockets of time I know I can take a long shower, journal, or just be in silence to think.
  3. Grocery Delivery occasionally
  4. Delegating/getting better at communicating my needs (This one is HUGE) ie. I do bath time while my husband does the dishes; I literally text my husband at work and say “I need to shower tonight”, so he knows we need to work our evening around giving me the time to do that and he’ll remind me if I forget.
  5. Making appointments and putting it on the calendar (my time away in prayer, my workouts, my Bible Study… all ‘obligations’ that I don’t want to miss!)
  6. “Alexa play my favorite music” while we are eating lunch, or “Alexa, order more paper towels.”
  7. Podcasts while making dinner or driving

Any other ways you work in your “self-care”? What are your typical go-to activities to fill your cup? 

 

My Heart Got Hit in the Face 

When we first brought James home from the hospital, my awesome husband left to get ice cream for me around the corner at 7-11. What else would I want after staying up for 3 nights in a row after giving birth?!

He came back to me standing in our living room, sobbing, holding our newborn. He thought something seriously wrong had happened, but instead I was told him I was crying because I was worried that something could one day happen to our baby James. I felt so vulnerable that I loved this tiny life with my entire life. My hormones might have been going crazy, but so were my newfound emotions to love and protect this bundle with all that I was.

Well, people say to become a mother is to know what it’s like to have your heart walking around outside of your body for the rest of your life. I one hundred percent agree.

And two days ago, my “heart” got hit in the face with a chair.

This day was like any other. He was sitting on the floor playing, my husband was sitting at our kitchen table, and I was putting things away in the kitchen, watching James and talking to him. Unfortunately, this 8-month-old crazy man is obsessed with trying to pull himself up on everything.

I looked away for maybe 10 seconds… in that short time, James had scooted on his bum to the nearest chair – he can’t crawl yet – , pulled on one leg and brought the chair toppling down.

I will never get that image out of my mind of seeing my baby on his back with the chair completely on top of him. He was screaming. I ran over, threw the chair off, scooped him up, and the blood began to flow out of his mouth.

The back of the chair had hit his face and busted his gums. His two front bottom teeth that were only beginning to peak through the top of his gums were now fully exposed to the front.

I rocked him and nursed him to calm him down, and thank goodness my husband was there to calm me down too. I was focused initially on making sure James was okay, until all of the questions and the guilt started coming…

Would his teeth fall out?

Did he have gum damage?

What if he needed surgery to support his now exposed teeth?

How could I have let this happen? I shouldn’t have let him sit that close to anything he could grab…
Panic set in and I just HAD to get that baby to the ER. Someone needed to evaluate his injury! My husband smartly recommended we check with our pediatrician on call and see what they suggested. Since the teeth had not broken and were still attached, it turns out we could wait to be seen until the next day. Despite my desperation, it was true, James would be okay.

(To cut to the chase, the next day we ended up seeing his pediatrician and a pediatric dentist, who assured this worried mama that his roots were still holding the tooth in securely, and that baby’s mouths heal very quickly at this age, so everything should go back to “normal” on it’s own soon.)

After things had calmed down a bit, I sat in the dark bedroom rocking James down for his nap, and in the stillness, the tears started flowing from me. (If it’s not obvious, I’ve totally turned into a mega-crier).

I was living the fear that I had when I first brought him home from the hospital…I won’t be able to protect my child from every hurt.

I realized this is only the beginning. We survived this “first incident.” I know with this active child there will be other incidences, whatever they are. Maybe it’ll be a bump on the head when he’s learning to walk, or a crash when he’s riding his bike. Maybe he will experience a broken heart,  a sports-related injury, or something else that I don’t even want to imagine.

There’s no denying that when you’re open to love, you’re also open to pain.

I thought to call my mom. I wondered how she felt when she saw me get hit in the eye with a baseball as a little kid. Or when the brass lamp fell on my brother’s head. She totally got it. It’s hard, but it’s part of being a parent.

A lot of times it’s no ones fault. It’s just a lessen learned, and a chance to comfort them, maybe a chance to watch them grow and learn. It’s another chance to help your child navigate the situation, until one day they are the adults helping their own kids navigate them.

I am grateful this was just a very minor hurt in comparison to the many other things children can suffer from. I can’t get off my mind the moms and dads who’s heartbreak for their children’s pain is daily, and I most surely have compassion for the extent of their hurt. Anytime your child is in pain, or potentially could be in pain, you feel the pain right along with them.

I’m definitely not looking forward to the second, or third, or hundredth incident, and hopefully they don’t get worse as we age. The first injury will one day just be a memory, a story we tell as part of a joke about how strong of a baby he was or how he was always getting into trouble. I don’t think it will ever get easier on my heart to see him stumble through life, but hopefully I’ll get better at knowing how to handle it. But if I don’t, I won’t feel bad… no one loves him and will feel his pain quite like I do ❤️

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The Soul Strong Life Update

My page was originally called Soul Strong Fitness…. Why the change?

Soul Strong Fitness was born in January 2015 out of the desire for me to help people see their health and exercise as a change that started with, and was rooted in, their spiritual lives. I saw in my own life, in my personal training clients’ lives, and in my online support groups, that the only way to make lasting change was to work past the superficial reasons and excuses, and get to the core of what we really should be living for. Behavior-change starts from the inside out.

Society has long bombarded us with the message that exercise is to make us skinny and look good in photos. It is a message of push yourself because you’re not good enough. In fact, most “fitness stars” today (the majority of whom are flaunting lots of skin on the reg) are drawing us to worship the body, rather than the One who created it. I wanted to be a opposite voice to remind people to love our bodies as living temples preparing for heaven. It isn’t “sexy” so the message doesn’t sell as well; but still, for those that were looking for something different, something positive and genuine, I felt compelled to offer it.

While I have seemingly always have had some connection to fitness over my life, I also am passionate about many other topics that relate to our whole well-being– staying healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I’ve expanded some of my blog posts over the years to be more than recipes or workouts for you to try, but to share my personal reflections on related topics like body image, miscarriage, relationships, motherhood, lifestyle balance, natural living tips, and more. Because I enjoy writing on these topics near to my heart, I’ve decided to expand to encompass not only our fitness, but also living the Soul Strong LIFE, and to have the title of my blog reflect that. 

What is the Soul Strong Life? This means that the call to love God is with our physical muscle AND with everything we have available for honoring God — which includes in our relationships, what we eat, how we move, what we love, how we spend our time, what we wear, and what we struggle with…loving The Lord with our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Whole-hearted, life-encompassing allegiance to God should be the priority of our life and the desire of our souls. This is our motivation, and the greatest commandment, but the journey is hard. We are all works in progress in this life, and this blog will chronicle mine!

Whether we’re eating or singing, jogging or blogging, texting or drawing, mourning or rejoicing… love for God is to be in action, and seen in everything we do. I hope through this page & my blogs to follow, to encourage you and ME to put the daily focus back on Him while running this race. With a strong soul, the rest of life follows.

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A Reflection on the First 3 Months of Motherhood

Sometimes motherhood looks like the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced, like seeing my son smile for the first time or watching my husband rock our newborn in the hospital and sing our favorite hymns to him at 3am… And sometimes it looks like getting peed on, pooped on, and spit up on all in one day, and shedding tears in the grocery aisle at the same time as my little one screams. In my humble opinion, there is no job more difficult than being a parent—but no job more rewarding.

Being a mom takes strength I don’t have. It is only by the special grace of God that women are even able to grow another human in their body, give birth, and then give the perfect food that their own body makes.  It’s a miracle! There is no other way I would be functioning without that grace. (And praise God He also provides an occasional Starbucks when I haven’t slept a wink!)

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What I’ve realized in the first few months is that motherhood in its essence is the Christian life. It is a stretching process, challenging us to care for someone else more than we care about ourselves, shedding pieces of our selfishness everyday.

It is saying, “I am weak, but He is strong.”

It is giving drink to the thirsty, food to the hungry, clothes to the naked, and taking care of the sick. (Matthew 25:34-40)

It is sanctifying and it is saving.

It is a glimpse into how much the God of the Universe loves us and laid down His life for us, and it is opening my heart to a deeper love.

And while I am giving of myself to this little human whom I love so much, I am trying to figure out who I am as a new mother and full-time homemaker, after leaving a job that I also loved so much.

When our little guy was around 8 weeks, I hit a weird slump. Before that, I think I was running on pure adrenaline and love. But now I was starting to become stressed about a lot of parenting decisions, and anxious to get into a routine to start incorporating things into my life that I thought would make life like it used to be or more of what it was “supposed” to be.

Maybe I needed to join an exercise group, join a mom’s group, find my volunteer project, do creative meal planning each week, start home improvement projects, have a cleaning schedule, a laundry schedule, a grocery schedule, an Eat-Awake-Sleep schedule, a quiet-time Bible study schedule, and visiting or skyping with friends and family schedule… Talk about me putting pressure on myself!

I started to find myself basing how my day went on how much I could accomplish on my to-do list. I wasn’t recognizing all of the soothing, changing diapers, feeding, rocking, and cuddling I was doing for the baby! But these things are a big deal, especially in the early months, and take a lot of time and energy on top of making sure my husband and I are fed too.

After I had a few emotional breakdowns, I was reminded that my top priorities right now in this early adjustment phase were filling myself spiritually each day by praying throughout my day and maybe doing some sort of reading or studying, keeping our little one alive and giving him all the love and attention he needs, and making sure we have some food in the house for dinner. Anything else that gets done or incorporated is icing on the cake, and every little decision or accomplishment along the way deserves to be celebrated! All or some of the above-mentioned schedules are important and can assist in helping me create a happy, healthy home, but they are not ultimately where my happiness lies, and do not dictate who I am.

What I needed to hear from my husband (being a parent with him makes me love and appreciate him even more 🙂 ) and what I’m now telling you if you’re a new mom is– go easy on yourself, get back to the basics, and don’t feel guilty for not being society’s definition of super mom.

Also, don’t be afraid to give yourself completely to your family. It’s okay to accept this as your entire vocation and let your life change when you have a kid. Love requires sacrifice and love changes us. I’m once again learning that I can’t do everything in the same season, or at least that adjusting to this new life takes time before I put those extra items back into the mix. It takes time to grow into parenthood! I needed to process that my life will look very different than it did a few months ago and this change is very good 🙂

Over the years, before I was even pregnant, I was often given the advice to be careful not to lose myself when I started a family. I needed to make sure I kept all of the activities and hobbies in my life that make me happy, and maybe (if staying home) keep a part-time job to make sure I’m staying interesting for my spouse, and to still have skills when my kids grow up. In theory, these are good intentions! A mom does need outlets and does need to prioritize a few things in her life that help fill her up so she can be the best mom she can be!

But in this short amount of time (and I have SO much more to understand!) I’ve realized that it’s okay to lose myself for a little while in taking care of our family. And maybe the “me” that I’m losing isn’t what actually makes me, me. It feels uncomfortable to change. It’s hard sometimes to be satisfied with “just” taking care of a baby and creating a God-centered home, when in reality that is an absolute privilege to be able to do. I’m not saying to abandon everything you enjoy, but I came to see that things like keeping up with the news, or posting on social media, or being in a book club, aren’t actually YOU, they’re just ways you choose to spend your time.

Motherhood forces us to answer the questions, “Who am I, really?”, and “What parts of my day and what parts of me matter most to the Lord?” When you become a parent, you learn new things about yourself every day. It has already begun to teach me that it is enough to simply be a child of God first, then a wife and mother, then a sister, a daughter, and a friend.

Sure, mom and homemaker carry certain important job responsibilities that need to be fulfilled, but the most important part of those is the heart and attitude I have while carrying out these roles. I am the first to admit I do not live this out daily! But it is my hope to so. I’ll need this reminder over and over as the days and months get harder and bring new challenges with hopefully more children to come.

I know when we let go of pursuing what we think will make us happy, there is a freedom in taking this time in life for what it is and letting it change you…Letting God change you… Accepting the hard work of being a parent as if doing it for Jesus Himself…Laying down your to-do list, laying down your expectations, laying down your worries, laying down your desires, and laying down your life.

The beauty of motherhood is found in pouring ourselves out with love. I wouldn’t trade the opportunity to do so for the world. Thank you, God, for making me a mama.

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Then Jesus told His disciples, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”

Matthew 16:24-25

“Since the Cross of Christ is the sign of love and salvation, we should not be surprised that all true love requires sacrifice.

Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands.

Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice. Do not be afraid of the Cross of Christ. The Cross is the Tree of Life. It is the source of all joy and peace. It was the only way for Jesus to reach resurrection and triumph. It is the only way for us to share in his life, now and forever.”

Saint John Paul II