Tag: home

The Struggle is Real… for Everyone. 

The A/C has been out for 3 days and it’s 85 degrees in our apartment. James and I are both sweating, sitting on the floor in front of the box fan we bought from Target last night. There are puffs and toys all over.

I just spent the last 30 minutes taking all the dirty dishes out and unscrewing the filter from our dishwasher (dishwashers have a filter??) to see if that’s why it wasn’t working, while trying to distract the little one climbing on everything next to me. 
Well, turns out it’s not the filter. We left the cool of the fan to feed baby James dinner-time purees when I get a phone call. It’s my landlord, probably calling to get an update on the window sill we just had fixed, or the broken A/C or the broken dishwasher.
I decide I can’t answer it right now because I’m about to start preparing dinner for my husband and I to eat when he gets home. But then I remember how desperately hot my child is and how he’s been struggling more than usual to sleep, so I decide to call the landlord back. James starts screaming to get out of his high chair, and to quiet him down, I move him to his exersaucer. As I’m on the phone with my landlord who has me on speaker phone with the lady at Home Depot asking questions about my dishwasher, I calmly try to explain to them what’s wrong. In that amount of time, baby James takes the food pouch out of my hand and squeezes it out everywhere. All over me, and him, the exersaucer, and the floor.

[Don’t panic Rosemary]

As I’m still talking, I take him out, strip him of his clothes, and he makes a dive into the same chair that he previously pulled on top himself.  See here.  Luckily this time it was just a little bump on his head, but the screaming followed. Mid sentence, I hung up the phone and focused on calming him back down. Home Depot called me back and James grabbed the phone and hung up on them again…

This saga went on and on, playing phone tag with different contractors, scheduling time to get things fixed, cleaning up the ongoing mess, trying to figure out why our internet has been out all week, and finally deciding to just wait to fix dinner until after James went to sleep…which he did for all of 30 minutes before waking up and crying again…

Oh, and the next day our car battery randomly died for no apparent reason. 

…

The day above comes not too long in the lineup after James and I had an epic car ride home from visiting my in-laws, where the little boy cousins 11 weeks apart got to play! James hates his car seat, always has since he was a newborn. Of course the minute we got on the road, screaming commenced and escalated to gagging and full on hysteria. I ended up pulling over every 5-10 minutes…an hour had passed and we had gone maybe 5 miles. I’ll spare you the exhausting details but it involves going through some sketchy areas of town, getting visited by the police while pulled over, and peeing in a water bottle…

These funny stories are just my average days. Lots of fun, lots of laughs, lots of tears, lots of frustrations, the ups and downs of fussy days or weeks… balancing sleep schedules, teething, nursing, figuring out solids, walking, crawling, dinner, cleaning, errands, bath time, laundry, cleaning up blow outs, prepping to lead bible study, prepping to teach workout class, fighting sciatica pain and carrying James, the diaper bag, and 4 grocery bags up the stairs to our 3rd floor apartment etc. etc.

Some days this all seems like the most complicated thing in the world (especially those of you out there with multiple littles!), but most days it feels like the BEST job in the world. It’s easy to look at the craziness and want to just tap out… but all of this matters. I remind myself often: What you do matters and WHO you raise matters.  It is a beautiful mess. As much as I occasionally get frustrated, I do LOVE these days with all my heart. And just because they’re hard days, doesn’t mean they can’t also still be very good days. And I’m learning, as many moms have advised me, to just let go of some things — the most important thing is that my son knows and feels he is loved and cherished.

I share this craziness because in our overshared, “liked” and commented social media lives, we often don’t see it. 

You know those models on instagram that post the beautifully edited, posed photos holding their babies in the cutest outfits and you feel like their life is perfect?

It’s a lie. 

Well, some of it. That moment when their child was snuggling was calm and sweet. But don’t be deceived by what seems to be picture-perfect…I bet that same kid decided to color the couch with sharpies right after that… Or maybe that mama is struggling because her husband is deployed or she’s just lost a parent or she’s self conscious about her post-partum body… Everyone is going through SOMETHING. And if they’ve had a good day or good week, maybe they’ll be going through something next week or next month.

It’s easy to see how we can look through the highlight reel and the smiling photos on someone’s profile and think, “Their life is perfect. I’m the only one struggling.” But the truth is, you’re not.  I tell you these funny little snapshots because I don’t want you to look at anything I post and think “they must have it together!” When I look at this picture below I see extreme exhaustion and the anxiety I battled trying to leave the house, but I also see so much love and joy and wonderful memories with family. Sharing joyous moments isn’t “bad” by any means—it’s encouraging! We just sometimes need to step back and realize maybe that person went through valleys before they got to that mountain top. 

My sweet boy! A highlight from our week!

On the floor, sweaty, and tired. Not picture ready 😛

 

Everyone has “hard”, you just might not see it unless you’re “doing life” with him or her in person. Don’t forget, to every picture there is a much deeper story. To every person there is a soul that’s weary, trying to find their balance and their purpose. To every life there are highs and lows, ebbs and flows. We all carry burdens, whether they are big or small. Look beyond the cute photos and ask someone how they are really doing. This is your friendly reminder that the struggle is real… for everyone. You are not alone. 

My Heart Got Hit in the Face 

When we first brought James home from the hospital, my awesome husband left to get ice cream for me around the corner at 7-11. What else would I want after staying up for 3 nights in a row after giving birth?!

He came back to me standing in our living room, sobbing, holding our newborn. He thought something seriously wrong had happened, but instead I was told him I was crying because I was worried that something could one day happen to our baby James. I felt so vulnerable that I loved this tiny life with my entire life. My hormones might have been going crazy, but so were my newfound emotions to love and protect this bundle with all that I was.

Well, people say to become a mother is to know what it’s like to have your heart walking around outside of your body for the rest of your life. I one hundred percent agree.

And two days ago, my “heart” got hit in the face with a chair.

This day was like any other. He was sitting on the floor playing, my husband was sitting at our kitchen table, and I was putting things away in the kitchen, watching James and talking to him. Unfortunately, this 8-month-old crazy man is obsessed with trying to pull himself up on everything.

I looked away for maybe 10 seconds… in that short time, James had scooted on his bum to the nearest chair – he can’t crawl yet – , pulled on one leg and brought the chair toppling down.

I will never get that image out of my mind of seeing my baby on his back with the chair completely on top of him. He was screaming. I ran over, threw the chair off, scooped him up, and the blood began to flow out of his mouth.

The back of the chair had hit his face and busted his gums. His two front bottom teeth that were only beginning to peak through the top of his gums were now fully exposed to the front.

I rocked him and nursed him to calm him down, and thank goodness my husband was there to calm me down too. I was focused initially on making sure James was okay, until all of the questions and the guilt started coming…

Would his teeth fall out?

Did he have gum damage?

What if he needed surgery to support his now exposed teeth?

How could I have let this happen? I shouldn’t have let him sit that close to anything he could grab…
Panic set in and I just HAD to get that baby to the ER. Someone needed to evaluate his injury! My husband smartly recommended we check with our pediatrician on call and see what they suggested. Since the teeth had not broken and were still attached, it turns out we could wait to be seen until the next day. Despite my desperation, it was true, James would be okay.

(To cut to the chase, the next day we ended up seeing his pediatrician and a pediatric dentist, who assured this worried mama that his roots were still holding the tooth in securely, and that baby’s mouths heal very quickly at this age, so everything should go back to “normal” on it’s own soon.)

After things had calmed down a bit, I sat in the dark bedroom rocking James down for his nap, and in the stillness, the tears started flowing from me. (If it’s not obvious, I’ve totally turned into a mega-crier).

I was living the fear that I had when I first brought him home from the hospital…I won’t be able to protect my child from every hurt.

I realized this is only the beginning. We survived this “first incident.” I know with this active child there will be other incidences, whatever they are. Maybe it’ll be a bump on the head when he’s learning to walk, or a crash when he’s riding his bike. Maybe he will experience a broken heart,  a sports-related injury, or something else that I don’t even want to imagine.

There’s no denying that when you’re open to love, you’re also open to pain.

I thought to call my mom. I wondered how she felt when she saw me get hit in the eye with a baseball as a little kid. Or when the brass lamp fell on my brother’s head. She totally got it. It’s hard, but it’s part of being a parent.

A lot of times it’s no ones fault. It’s just a lessen learned, and a chance to comfort them, maybe a chance to watch them grow and learn. It’s another chance to help your child navigate the situation, until one day they are the adults helping their own kids navigate them.

I am grateful this was just a very minor hurt in comparison to the many other things children can suffer from. I can’t get off my mind the moms and dads who’s heartbreak for their children’s pain is daily, and I most surely have compassion for the extent of their hurt. Anytime your child is in pain, or potentially could be in pain, you feel the pain right along with them.

I’m definitely not looking forward to the second, or third, or hundredth incident, and hopefully they don’t get worse as we age. The first injury will one day just be a memory, a story we tell as part of a joke about how strong of a baby he was or how he was always getting into trouble. I don’t think it will ever get easier on my heart to see him stumble through life, but hopefully I’ll get better at knowing how to handle it. But if I don’t, I won’t feel bad… no one loves him and will feel his pain quite like I do ❤️

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A Reflection on the First 3 Months of Motherhood

Sometimes motherhood looks like the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced, like seeing my son smile for the first time or watching my husband rock our newborn in the hospital and sing our favorite hymns to him at 3am… And sometimes it looks like getting peed on, pooped on, and spit up on all in one day, and shedding tears in the grocery aisle at the same time as my little one screams. In my humble opinion, there is no job more difficult than being a parent—but no job more rewarding.

Being a mom takes strength I don’t have. It is only by the special grace of God that women are even able to grow another human in their body, give birth, and then give the perfect food that their own body makes.  It’s a miracle! There is no other way I would be functioning without that grace. (And praise God He also provides an occasional Starbucks when I haven’t slept a wink!)

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What I’ve realized in the first few months is that motherhood in its essence is the Christian life. It is a stretching process, challenging us to care for someone else more than we care about ourselves, shedding pieces of our selfishness everyday.

It is saying, “I am weak, but He is strong.”

It is giving drink to the thirsty, food to the hungry, clothes to the naked, and taking care of the sick. (Matthew 25:34-40)

It is sanctifying and it is saving.

It is a glimpse into how much the God of the Universe loves us and laid down His life for us, and it is opening my heart to a deeper love.

And while I am giving of myself to this little human whom I love so much, I am trying to figure out who I am as a new mother and full-time homemaker, after leaving a job that I also loved so much.

When our little guy was around 8 weeks, I hit a weird slump. Before that, I think I was running on pure adrenaline and love. But now I was starting to become stressed about a lot of parenting decisions, and anxious to get into a routine to start incorporating things into my life that I thought would make life like it used to be or more of what it was “supposed” to be.

Maybe I needed to join an exercise group, join a mom’s group, find my volunteer project, do creative meal planning each week, start home improvement projects, have a cleaning schedule, a laundry schedule, a grocery schedule, an Eat-Awake-Sleep schedule, a quiet-time Bible study schedule, and visiting or skyping with friends and family schedule… Talk about me putting pressure on myself!

I started to find myself basing how my day went on how much I could accomplish on my to-do list. I wasn’t recognizing all of the soothing, changing diapers, feeding, rocking, and cuddling I was doing for the baby! But these things are a big deal, especially in the early months, and take a lot of time and energy on top of making sure my husband and I are fed too.

After I had a few emotional breakdowns, I was reminded that my top priorities right now in this early adjustment phase were filling myself spiritually each day by praying throughout my day and maybe doing some sort of reading or studying, keeping our little one alive and giving him all the love and attention he needs, and making sure we have some food in the house for dinner. Anything else that gets done or incorporated is icing on the cake, and every little decision or accomplishment along the way deserves to be celebrated! All or some of the above-mentioned schedules are important and can assist in helping me create a happy, healthy home, but they are not ultimately where my happiness lies, and do not dictate who I am.

What I needed to hear from my husband (being a parent with him makes me love and appreciate him even more 🙂 ) and what I’m now telling you if you’re a new mom is– go easy on yourself, get back to the basics, and don’t feel guilty for not being society’s definition of super mom.

Also, don’t be afraid to give yourself completely to your family. It’s okay to accept this as your entire vocation and let your life change when you have a kid. Love requires sacrifice and love changes us. I’m once again learning that I can’t do everything in the same season, or at least that adjusting to this new life takes time before I put those extra items back into the mix. It takes time to grow into parenthood! I needed to process that my life will look very different than it did a few months ago and this change is very good 🙂

Over the years, before I was even pregnant, I was often given the advice to be careful not to lose myself when I started a family. I needed to make sure I kept all of the activities and hobbies in my life that make me happy, and maybe (if staying home) keep a part-time job to make sure I’m staying interesting for my spouse, and to still have skills when my kids grow up. In theory, these are good intentions! A mom does need outlets and does need to prioritize a few things in her life that help fill her up so she can be the best mom she can be!

But in this short amount of time (and I have SO much more to understand!) I’ve realized that it’s okay to lose myself for a little while in taking care of our family. And maybe the “me” that I’m losing isn’t what actually makes me, me. It feels uncomfortable to change. It’s hard sometimes to be satisfied with “just” taking care of a baby and creating a God-centered home, when in reality that is an absolute privilege to be able to do. I’m not saying to abandon everything you enjoy, but I came to see that things like keeping up with the news, or posting on social media, or being in a book club, aren’t actually YOU, they’re just ways you choose to spend your time.

Motherhood forces us to answer the questions, “Who am I, really?”, and “What parts of my day and what parts of me matter most to the Lord?” When you become a parent, you learn new things about yourself every day. It has already begun to teach me that it is enough to simply be a child of God first, then a wife and mother, then a sister, a daughter, and a friend.

Sure, mom and homemaker carry certain important job responsibilities that need to be fulfilled, but the most important part of those is the heart and attitude I have while carrying out these roles. I am the first to admit I do not live this out daily! But it is my hope to so. I’ll need this reminder over and over as the days and months get harder and bring new challenges with hopefully more children to come.

I know when we let go of pursuing what we think will make us happy, there is a freedom in taking this time in life for what it is and letting it change you…Letting God change you… Accepting the hard work of being a parent as if doing it for Jesus Himself…Laying down your to-do list, laying down your expectations, laying down your worries, laying down your desires, and laying down your life.

The beauty of motherhood is found in pouring ourselves out with love. I wouldn’t trade the opportunity to do so for the world. Thank you, God, for making me a mama.

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Then Jesus told His disciples, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”

Matthew 16:24-25

“Since the Cross of Christ is the sign of love and salvation, we should not be surprised that all true love requires sacrifice.

Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands.

Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice. Do not be afraid of the Cross of Christ. The Cross is the Tree of Life. It is the source of all joy and peace. It was the only way for Jesus to reach resurrection and triumph. It is the only way for us to share in his life, now and forever.”

Saint John Paul II

Sneak Peek Saturday: 5 Things on My Bedside Table

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You can learn a lot about someone by what they keep on their bedside table! Here are some things that make Ro Ro go-go each day!

My Phone! I’m not afraid to “de-plug” by any means, and I definitely try to wind down without it an hour before passing out. However, it still has a place closest to my bed because I use it to activate my silent alarm on my FitBit, to log my food for the day, and to do a BIG brain dump of my “to do” list for the next day. If I have a hard time falling asleep, it’s usually because there is something I need to “dump” so I can stop thinking about it until the next day. That’s where my phone comes in handy! Write it down and SLEEP in peace.

That brings us to sleep! my favorite. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m typically very protective of my sleep. You could say I’m some what of a sleep snob and it’s not because I don’t WANT to stay up and spend time with you; it’s because I want to be fresh and energized to accomplish everything I need to the next day with a good mood! (Not to mention all the health benefits of sleep…) So I have a sleep mask. This thing is amazing. Whether my husband has the light on or there is a little street light that comes in our windows, I have no excuse not to get to sleep when I need to!

Water Bottle. Self explanatory. I’m constantly hydrating and take this thing everywhere. Camel Backs have a life-time guarantee and will ship you a free one if anything on it breaks! Not only do I keep it by me in case I get thirsty before falling asleep, but also like to have it to drink right when I first wake up.

Something that’s not ON my table, but IN it, are my workout clothes. It just so happened this way because we ran out of storage space in our one bedroom, and the drawers are the perfect size for my shirts, sports bras, and cropped pants. So other than my water bottle when I wake up, I can immediately change into my gear and move into the living room for T-25 or yoga, or to our apartment gym.

My Bible + Journal + Current Read travels between my bedside and our dining table. After exercise, my goal is to start my day reading, noting certain prayers and thoughts, but sometimes if the morning ends up being hectic, I’ll settle for reading before bed. In the middle of a busy life, work, family, home, it can be hard to find time just to THINK and prepare yourself that day for whatever God has for you. This time is getting more and more precious to me!

Unintentional Bonus item: The candle is there as a permanent decorative item, but I occasionally light it (and several more!) on a lazy Saturday evening to totally decompress. It’s a piece from our wedding reception, and fits perfectly with our “serenity beachy” themed bedroom! Creating a peaceful, happy, and healthy space is really important to the Ferreras’ well-being.

What does your bedside table say about you?

Eating Healthy is Expensive & Exhausting

At times, YES it can be—but it doesn’t have to be! I’m not an expert by any means, but I hope some of these tips might steer you in the right direction or make you think of ideas that can work for you. Between my 9-6pm job, personal training, Soul Strong, church activities, friend time, marriage and home life, the last thing I want to do is spend all night in the kitchen.

At the end of the day, I’d rather pay the money up front for a healthy body, than pay the money down the road for the meds and doctor visits. My health is a priority, and therefore, an investment. Not gonna lie, it’s definitely where a huge chunk of our monthly budget comes from, but we try not to break the bank, especially when living a super busy lifestyle and craving convenience. This list is work in progress 🙂

Eating Healthy on a Budget

Save going out to eat for very special occasions. Once or twice a month? Maybe people hate that I do this, but even when I schedule lunch dates, I often ask if we can bring out lunches and meet to eat together in the park, or at a Starbucks. I’d rather make that $$$ go further for our family to eat well on a daily basis.

Eat Frozen: not the TV dinners, but veggies, no sugar added organic berries, or pre-made bulk meals from the weekend. Fresh is typically more expensive, especially if it’s not in season. To save time, use a steamer. This thing has made cooking vegetables so easy. Plus, it keeps more nutrients in the vegetables than boiling, AND takes about 8 minutes. Leave them in there, come back, and it’s ready to dish.

Buy heavy on the sales! When the chicken goes on sale, we easily stock up on 6-8 packs and freeze them, knowing we will consume them at some point in the next month. When the wheat pasta goes on sale, our entire cabinet is filled with it so we don’t need to buy it for many months.

Be realistic. We don’t buy organic chicken at this point, but settled for the natural chicken with no antibiotics or preservatives. It’s awesome if you can do everything organic, but the reality is, it can double your grocery bill. Be picky and decide what you will and won’t give on. We go organic on the Dirty Dozen vegetables and all our fish is Wild Caught, but other than that, we just do the best we can. Our nutrition isn’t perfect, but it works for where we are in this phase of life. Do some research on what’s most important to you to splurge on.

Buy some things canned. You don’t want to live off of a canned diet obviously because of the preservatives, but soup on sale or wild salmon is a wonderful thing to stock up with in the Winter. Another way we save money to eat the foods our bodies really need, is doing soup for a meal once every couple of weeks. This is the lazy man’s go-to. So maybe we don’t feel super stuffed afterwards, but we don’t mind denying ourselves occasionally to eat really well for all other meals.

Plan Ahead. Each Sunday I try to create a meal game plan for the week to make sure we don’t waste any food or let anything go bad. I look at the calendar. If I know we won’t have time the next night to make dinner, I make double the night before. On Sunday, I often take an hour to pre-make big quantities of items I can keep in the fridge, and throw together to heat up during the week in less than 5 minutes. We almost always have extra baked chicken and quinoa in containers in the fridge!

Get the rewards card! The Giant where we shop (we go to Trader Joes for a few cheaper fresh items occasionally), offers gas points for grocery items. I can’t even tell you how much money we have saved on gas!! sometimes knocking 30 cents off each gallon. If you spend a little more on healthy foods, you may be able save in other areas. Take advantage of these deals! I haven’t found time to get into coupon-ing in the “city life”, but maybe that’s something that you could try! SO many websites dedicated to the secrets of coupon-ing.

Cut out the juices–they’re super high in sugar without the fiber– and cut out Milk. The only drinks we buy are almond milk or coconut milk to put in shakes, whichever of those happens to be on sale. Other than that, water is our life-blood. Humans have no nutritional requirement for milk and most Americans have a hard time digesting it anyway. Opt for things like white beans, kale, almonds, or tofu to get your calcium.

Eat the same thing. Variety can be costly. We try to branch out with something “new” biweekly if possible or on a Friday date night at home. But we mostly rotate dinner between the same kinds of foods and just use different seasonings each time. Studies show people that are successful with healthy diets stick to what they know (and they know how much it costs!) Making different recipes is cool…ain’t no body got time for that everyday…

Ie. We choose one from each category:

*Meat: Chicken, 99% Lean Ground Turkey, Fish. (occasional red meat) *Vegetables: Broccoli, Tomatoes, Spinach, Green Beans, Cucumbers, Cauliflower, Spaghetti Squash (super cheap!) *Complex Carb: Quinoa, Brown Rice, Wheat pasta, Sweet Potato (these are EASILY heated quickly in the microwave). We often get fats from cooking with olive oil or coconut oil.

We have Shakeology for breakfast every morning. Protein, fiber, vitamins, minerals, adaptogens, probiotics, pre-biotics, over 70 all natural superfoods in a meal-replacement shake… if we spend the money to get all of those things separately we would easily spend an extra $400 a month. We no longer buy bagels, bars, yogurts and cereal for breakfast, we just stick to our $3.30 (coach rate) dense nutritional breakfast to start our day off right, even if we end up not having the perfect lunch/dinner.  The convenience, extra energy, and digestion improvement is really worth it for us!!

Go Vegetarian one day a week. Consuming 2 boiled eggs and quinoa for your protein is a lot cheaper than a 8oz piece of quality meat. It might take getting used to for those meat-lovers out there (myself included!), but I promise it’s just as nourishing! I usually boil one dozen eggs for lunch snacks and quick salads additions, and keep another dozen fresh on hand for cooking purposes. Beans are another cheap option!

Check the Unit Price. See which is cheaper: buying a bigger box, or buying multiple smaller ones. We tend to buy bigger quantities for things like almonds, brown rice, and chia seeds, that take forever to go bad. Some people love buying fresh groceries every week, but it saves us a lot of time to try to make our food go further.

Research/Trial and Error.  There are several grocery chains near us. Over time, we’ve started to look at our reciepts and compare prices. We have to weigh getting gas points or saving on non-name brand items at Giant with saving money on fresh cheaper vegetables or specialty organic items at Trader Joes. I try not to go to BOTH each shopping trip because time is money, but as we run out of things I see which store caters to what we need most and has the best sale at the time.

I hope this helps!! I would love feedback from YOU as to how you save money and eat healthy.

XO,

Ro

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