I have childhood memories of the Sunday morning of Mother’s Day when my dad and brothers brought me breakfast in bed. I may have only been 7 or 8 years old, but that sweet gesture made me feel honored as a young woman, and excited to be a future mother. I have thought about what this day with my own child might be like for many years.
2 years ago on Mother’s Day, I was miscarrying our first baby. We decided to still go to church, but at a different location and time than our own. The church we happened to be visiting asked all mothers to stand and be recognized. Tears burst forth for the millionth time that day. My womb and my hands were empty. My husband nudged me to stand, but I couldn’t muster up the strength. I sat and hung my head.
I was a mother on this particular Mother’s Day, but not how I had hoped I would be.
Last year on Mother’s Day, my husband and I had just found out we were expecting for the second time. We were nervous with this pregnancy after our loss, but were overjoyed nonetheless, and it seemed like God’s perfect timing. It was a happy Mother’s Day for our family to have the hope of a healthy baby to come, and a nice distraction from focusing on last year’s experience. We traveled down to spend the day celebrating with my mom, dad, and Grandma Rosemary. We shared the exciting news with my grandma, who was elated to hear she would have another great-grandchild. She was in her 90’s and her memory was starting to go. Several times through the first half of my pregnancy, she didn’t remember that I was pregnant. It was very sweet how thrilled she was about the news each time, reacting as if hearing it for the first time every time I told her. When I think of this pregnancy and that Mother’s Day, I will always remember my grandmother (my son bares her maiden name as his middle name).
This Mother’s Day is bittersweet. It is extra special for my husband and me, as we are able to hold a precious baby boy in our arms. Oh what joy fills our souls to be gifted this little life! I think about how my life has changed already, and how I am learning more each day about what it means to live out my maternal vocation in my family and in the world. Yet, this Mother’s Day is still a reminder that my grandma passed a week after my son was born this year. She was an incredible mother and grandmother, and I know my mom and I miss her very much.
And also, many others weigh heavy on my heart… It is a reminder of a friend who lost her newborn son last year, a friend who isn’t able to have children but longs to be a mother, a friend who’s mother was absent growing up and she still has wounds, a friend whose mother passed away when she was young, a friend whose son is struggling and rejects her as mother. My heart goes out to all of these women and the ache they may feel on this “holiday”.
It’s okay to feel incredibly grateful for the mom(s) in your life who have been your role models, while simultaneously feeling anger or sorrow about your own circumstances. It’s okay not to feel like posting something happy on social media, and it’s okay if you do! It’s more than okay to be thrilled about the special relationship you have with the mother God gave you and want to shower her with praise. And it’s okay to not know what to feel on this day. This day brings out many different emotions, and may bring out different emotions each year that it rolls around.
There is no denying– Mom’s are heroes. And Mother’s Day is a beautiful day, one that lifts up this unique and nurturing role we are given as women. We shouldn’t take this day away! But if there is a woman in your life you know who may be struggling on this day or just deserves a little extra encouragement, remember to reach out to acknowledge her. Offer a hug, a card, a text.
This Mother’s Day, let us rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn. Let’s celebrate the women in our lives who have lived out this motherly role, no matter the number of earthy children they may have.
Thank you to all mothers for your service, your courage, your compassion, your fidelity to your family, and for making the world more honest and life-giving. Happy Mother’s Day to ALL moms… We honor you.
Click here to read more about the movement to #honorallmoms.